Warning: Grumble In Progress and Possible Pedantic Pedagogy

It's not a new revelation, certainly, but I have a hard time trusting people who claim to have spiritual superiority and wish to share that enlightenment or methodology when they also, perhaps coincidentally, possess enormous material wealth. I know that's...classist...I guess would be the term, but I don't even like the word "class" to define financial strata. Some of the classiest people I know have not much money to their name and so many in this country who have so much demonstrate the least class (although I know it's not the same thing). It's a form of prejudice, surely. Perhaps it is the luxury of their wealth that allows them the time to look so deeply inward and be able to take the time to evolve their soul. And I know we can't judge a book by it's cover, or purport to know what anyone is going through or weight of the world they carry on their shoulders. But one who has not a worry for where their next meal comes from, or where they make their bed tonight, or if their dependents are provided for...I would think finding solace of the soul has a shorter path. And I don't or won't deny that they can find peace and enlightenment - I'm sure they do. But I don't think they can necessarily teach most others well. 

 

Find me a person with next to nothing who can still find joy in the blessing of every breath, find the strength to lift up others and give of the only things they may have - their time and their talent...while still being able to be healthy and happy, (and not overcompensating to a point that's hazardous to their or their dependent's well being)that's who I want to take a tip from.  

 

Some of you might immediately leap to Buddha, or to Jesus, or any one of a myriad of other righteous, religious, and spiritual leaders from the past who cast off their earthly possessions to find their bliss.  But their context doesn't work for me.  Nor do I believe that it is necessary to shed all material things to find inner peace.  And none of them lived in our now. 

 

Realizing the potential of every day and acting upon it.  Even if on some days it simply means to take in the beauty of a sunset or the relish the simple grace of the mundane.  Living intentionally.  Acting purposefully.  Acknowledging when enough is enough - whether for better or for worse.  I think the solution is in there somewhere.  I'll keep looking.

 

 

 

 

Seeking Life Coach With Actual Life Experience

I just finished reading an article about Jillian Michaels. If you don't know who she is, her biggest claim to fame is being the hard core physical trainer on the Biggest Loser television series. She's great at what she does apparently, and she's not too shabby of a business person either, as she's built herself up a tidy little empire around health and wellness with a number of books, blogs, websites, celebrity endorsements, etc. Or at the very least, she's smart enough to surround herself with very smart people who have helped her achieve this status. You go, girl.


The article mentioned that she's now become a life coach. Interesting, I thought. A natural progression for her in this new world of experts for everything and people willing to pay for that expertise.

Then it mentioned that she's in the process of adopting. Her first child. Alone.

Now, I don't have any problem with someone of means adopting a child on their own. This has nothing whatsoever to do with her being single, or her sexuality (she claims to be open to love from either gender). In fact, I applaud her for her decision to experience motherhood and give a child a chance at a better life with someone who can provide. I'm ignoring her references to "go domestic", which she did not do - that I can't stand...children are not products, and to refer to them with that kind of label (either domestic or international) drives me nuts - even though I'm sure she's referring to the adoption process rather than the type of child she's adopting. And I find it interesting that she's got two adoption processes started, in two different countries, to ensure she gets a child in the end...which is a whole other discussion. But again, you go, girl. Make Mommyhood happen.

Which brings us to the thought that spurned me to write. And again, this is not a personal attack on Ms. Michaels. She is one of many in the same category as you'll soon see, and was but a catalyst for the train of thought.

She's 37 years old. Never married. No children. For the most part, she has never had to put anyone or anything on the back burner. She has had the luxury of pursuing her desires in her adult life regardless of the outcomes because she has only had herself to answer to. Is it possible she's been the sole support for an extended family that's not publicized? Absolutely. But even so, her passion and her drive have been relatively unfettered by the most universal of comprismising situations - marriage and/or raising children.

Now don't get all bent out of shape about my referring to marriage and children being comprising situations. No matter how "cool" or supportive, or awe-inspiring your legal or civil union may be, the very concept of sharing anything at all alludes to compromise. You simply can't have it your way all the time. If you do, you're either delusional or you have a very lopsided marriage that won't last. If you share your bed, one night, all the sheets will be taken by someone...someday.

And children - well, if you're a parent, you know what I'm talking about, and if you're not, and you know people who do have children then you know as well. Even the most selfish of parents, from time to time, will put the needs and desires of their children first. Or they split their savings. Or they have to find a babysitter. For the most part, they know their children require more attention and care than a houseplant.

So...all that being said. How does someone, who has never had to compromise, in his or her adult life, become qualified to coach anyone else about Life, other than perhaps, those in the same situation. And why do we, as a public, continue to regale this folks as the ones with all the answers (Oprah, are you listening?). Because we want their lives? Because we want what they have? The noteriety? The pretty things? The flexibility and ability to have breakfast in NY and attend a premiere in LA that night? Quite possibly.

But would these very same people, have all these things, if they had to compromise? If they had to second guess their steps because of the way the outcomes might affect their spouse, their children, the roof over the heads of their families, where their children go to school?

And I'm not just speaking of celebrity.  My husband and I have been working with a consultant regarding our business who is extraordinairly good at what she does.  She's a savvy entrepreneur with a love of life and health who is charismatic and clever.  One question she never adequately answered for me was "how to do you balance your work and your family?"  She always provided nice, avoidance laden answers to that one question.  Her words were shiny and slick and virgin to the concept of having to drop everything to go pick up a child sick at school.  Or being groggy for a meeting because of staying up all night with a child afraid of the dark. She's been married for a bit, and now just had her own child and it will be interesting to see how her style and advice, if at all, changes.  It has to.  And it has to some extent - you can see her using other folks more, leaning on their expertise, giving up the micromanagement function that provided her the impressive success she's achieved.

Further into the Jillian Michaels article she mentions that she doesn't know how anyone would manage this process (the adoption) if they had to do it alone.  She refers to her phalanx of assistants, without whom, she wouldn't be able to make a sound go of it.  I'm sure she needs them - with all the plates she got up in the air it's obviously necessary.  Normal?  To her.  Relatable?  To whom?  Not most of the folks who pay $55 quarterly on her website for her advice.

Are there any extraordinarily visible folks who put themselves in the life coach category who have literally, done it all and more importantly, done it all well?  Or be willing to admit that they've made mistakes, and provide their folly as fodder for improvement?  And for those of the male persuasion, who did not or do not have a long-term spouse whose very presence and attendance to all things familial allowed them to vehemently pursue their goals?  Someone must be out there. 

Find me a life coach who can have a happy, balanced marriage, raise happy, healthy and productive children, AND have a rewarding, fulfilling career, while adequately supporting the needs and path of their spouse - whether it be during or after the major child-rearing years, be phenomenally physcially fit, be spiritually fulfilled and still maintain that happy marriage/family/home/sense-of-self while all the time having been the sole or primary provider of income and/or child support (the attending, not the financial - or perhaps both), who can smile broadly, look me in the eyes, and tell me they are so darn happy and successful that they can tell me what to do to achieve the same based on actualy, personal experience...and I might consider finding room in the budget for that. 

Anyone?  Anyone?  Bueller?

To Worship at the Temple of Consumerism

I went to Atlanta the other day. Nice weekend. Great weather. My kids, my husband - it was a great little getaway - all a surprise to me, and some much needed Q-time with the fam. My kids have a future in espionage, I believe - because children under the age of 10 typically do not show such restraint in spreading information that is exciting to them. Kudos to them...they have learned well! Oh, that trait will likely backfire on me as a parent when they are teenagers - but that's a different story.

So, we take the town, hit the aquarium, play in the parks, eat great food, and then spend the day in the city's newest tourist attraction - the NEW World of Coca-Cola. Now, I'd never seen the OLD World of Coca-Cola, however, I can attest to living in it for the past 37 years.

I wasn't quite sure what to expect - I mean, really, the entire facility is really just a gigantic, glorified advertisement for one of the world's most pervasive products...ever. The welcome lobby and waiting room were both completely lost on my children - who have never had more than a few sips of Mommy's Diet Coke in their lives. They've never tasted regular Coca-Cola, and aren't big fans of anything fizzy. People kept asking them what their favorite soda was, and proudly, they stated, "water!" to which the attendants replied, "what flavor water?" and they would reply, "no flavor, just plain water! Or milk." I haven't seen that look of shock since my son said he didn't like french fries. They also haven't quite lived long enough to remember the advertising slogans that made history, or understand the breadth of meaning in seeing the phrases repeated in 50 different languages.

But they did understand "The Happiness Factory", which I guess, is their pet name for the project. The name alone gave me the chills. Into the theater we filed, and I knew something was wrong from the start. The illusion they poured millions in to create was already blown, as the giant screen to display the "documentary" - you'll see why I used quotes later on, was stuck in the up position, already revealing the esophagus into the belly of the beast, which was hosting a spasmodic sphincter that my daughter noted multiple times "Mommy, why does the door keep opening and closing?" . The attendant tried her hardest to calm the crowd, offering random cola history and testing the knowledge of the audience in consumerism. After about 10 minutes, she gave up, apologizing profusely and directing the crowd out - not through the intended entrance, but an alternate one - akin to the back hallways of a mall, if you've ever been privy to them - no magic, bright lights, lots of plaster. We plainly followed her direction, eventually ending up in the main hub of the center, but without the grand greeting and direction that would come later, to the thousands that followed. So the few hundred of us wandered a bit aimlessly, like marbles in a big glass jar. Not so much happiness there. Hmmm.

The next section we found was a bottling simulation. This excited me somewhat as I had visions of Laverne and Shirley watching the thousands of bottles go by...and I really don't know why that excited me, but it did. We looked at the cleaner, and the capper, and the sorter, and the...well, wouldn't you know it. It wasn't working. People clad in flimsy shower caps and surgical gloves kept tapping at computer screens trying to make things go. I kept thinking as hard as I could, "just turn it off and flip it back on, it always works at home." But they didn't hear me. So that was a wash. A friendly Coca-Cola attendant came up to me and asked me if I was enjoying myself. I didn't answer.

So off we went to climb the big stairs, that got smaller as you got higher - very Willy Wonka. And off the the 4-D interactive movie experience - which much to my pleasant surprise was included in your entrance fee. And we got to keep our 3-D glasses - flimsy paper ones, but they did work, and I knew they hadn't sat on anyone else's face before. The preview movie in the waiting area freaked me out as it was a lesson in taste (not the Vanity Fair kind, but actual sense of taste, including your olfactory system). It was an argument between the taste buds and the olfactory sensors in fact, and it just weirded me out. But I did learn something - I was always taught about four taste sensations - sour, sweet, bitter, and salty. Now I've tucked a fifth sense (it's almost as wonderous as learning about the fourth dimension!) - umami. It's apparently my favorite one, and my daughter's - we'll take anything savory over the old tastes anyday. But it also covers "meatiness" - so I don't know how that works with a vegan.

And off to the movie. It was pretty intense - my three year old LOVED it and couldn't wait to do it again, my five year old was glad it was over. The seats moved, lots of wind in your face, and I swear they sprayed you with soda because I know I felt sticky afterwards. But the effects were cool, to say the least.

To be continued! Coming up:

• Tastes from the planet - who knew I preferred Incan brew?
• Brandon - not just where we live, but an odd frustrated photography coordinator
• Polar Bears - mmm, soft and cuddly and they'll eat you too!
• Tell us your Coke story! - Too easy - but I'll let you provide the joke
• Phalluses and pierced nipples - oh, that's why they called it the Happiness Factory!