Opening the box

This is more frightening than I thought it would be. Thinking about things is one thing. Writing them down is another. But putting these thoughts down where someone else might see them? And believe me, if you met me you'd never believe that I thought this was a terrifying thing. Most people would probably think this would be the most natural thing in the world for me. And maybe it should be.

It's sort of like when I ride a horse (which isn't very often). I know I can ride it. I know I know what to do. And I love it. But then I get up there. Up high. And feel this enormous, powerful creature just underneath me - and it's exhilerating, but troublesome. This beast could kick my ass in an eyeblink. What is she going to do? Will she trust me? Will she feel my apprehension? Does she know I don't do this often? Can she tell I'm not as confident as I let on? Will she make me feel I'm in no position to be taking control of the situation? Will she throw me?

And then I breathe. I take the reins. I submit my request for connection to this animal to the universe, and I breathe again. She can tell I'm nervous. I put my hand on her neck and feel the warmth, the strength, the will - and I relax. I gently kick her sides and we're off - at first slowly, getting to know one another, getting into the rhythm. Then I press again with my heels and we go faster - we've agreed to work together and the rush is building. I dig in once more and lean into her stride and we are off - to where I'm uncertain, but I don't really care much either - and it is freedom. And we don't want to stop. Until we have to.

And then the whole thing starts all over again. So let's see how this goes, shall we?