This post was written in November of 2019 and has been languishing as a draft until today, July 20, 2020.
Almost my entire adult life has been spent living life on the defense, being on the receiving end of things, navigating the pitfalls as they come. I wasn't always this way, and I don't usually think of myself this way, but it is who I've become. And I don't like it. Not at all.
I'm pretty ashamed of this incarnation - the example I've set for my children. I've let life beat me into submission and what I have to show for it is just what you'd think. While I still have a roof over my head, for the most part, somewhat gainful employment with benefits, hanging by a thread it seems, the insecurity of my situation is almost too much to bear.
I do have incredible kids who have done more than their fair share of missing their childhoods and holding their mother up. I'm also blessed with two parents and two step parents who love me and do what they can for me, but I know how disappointing it is for them, though I know they still hold out hope. And I do have a good number of people out there looking out for me - friends near and far who offer advice, pray for me, and help out in other ways when they can, but who knows for how much longer.
I"ve let life beat me with a big stick and I've just kept coming back for more. The visions that others had for me in my youth are blurred and blacked out. The plans I had for my life - all but scrapped.
Don't get me wrong - it's not like I"m in the street hooking for a fix. By all appearances, life is pretty swell, comparatively. We live far from large, but we still eke out managing to live a decent lifestyle. But as I mentioned, it's hanging on by a thread. A very thin, tenuous thread.
The title of this post has some irony - in fact, what's prompted me to even write this post is a somewhat ironic source. I don't do sports. I'll go to a game if you invite me. I'll enjoy myself. I have a semblance of what's going on - and I can explain most sports to others who don't know them. But I don't seek them out. I've taken my kids to one pro football game in their lives, a few baseball games, even a hockey game or two - for them to have the experience. But I don't watch them, I don't follow them, I don't talk about them, and I don't care a lick about a fantasy version of them, much less about the real versions of them.
But I've been watching a series on a pay-tv channel that's about them. And I'm obsessed with it. Five seasons and now it's over and I will miss it. It may just be the first series I rewatch deliberately - ever. Something about it stirs something in me - inspires me, motivates me, gives me hope.
And so, in honor of the close of that series, I'm scrapping my playbook and calling an audible. Because my playbook, in plain English, sucks. And I have got to make some radical changes if I'm going to thrive. This survival scenario just isn't cutting it anymore.
This time next year I don't want to be in this same headspace. I don't want to be living in such tight constraints. I don't want to be mired in the minutia.
I want to be taking big leaps, and painting with broad, bold, beautiful strokes filled with endless freaking possibilities. I want to call the plays, the shots - take the lead. Run with head down and not let anything stop me.
I want to stop making excuses. I want to stop accepting excuses. I want to live a pro-active life. I want to be in control of my present and my future. I want to be the woman I envisioned being when I was younger. I want to be the person my kids deserve to have as a parent. I want to be the person people say "wow" about - in the best of ways.
I want more and I want it all and I want it now.
Monday, July 20, 2020
Sunday, November 10, 2019
Disappearance
My world shrinks every day. One of the unspoken side effects of being a caregiver (at least I haven't read or heard much about it) is the actual minimization of space defined as mine within my own home. I've read plenty of things about the disappearance of communication, intimacy, connection, resources and finances. But no one seems to talk about the reduction of personal space. I guess it depends a lot on the nature of the illness of your spouse or sick child, but it is definitely a growing issue -- as his needs increase, as his ability to navigate wanes, the very space I can exist in diminishes daily.
My husband is in very advanced stages of diabetic complications. I can't say final stage, because he continually beats the odds and defies expectations of medical professionals. I've prepared for the end, and begun putting our affairs in order, and resigned myself to being a single parent more times that anyone should have - I can't even remember how many times at this point. All exercises in futility returning back to our ever-adjusting "normal".
As his conditions advance, or really, the better word is worsen, his eyesight failing, his balance more off, his ability to drive his motorized wheelchair declining, the space in which I can keep my things, my livable environment gets smaller, and smaller. Our furniture gets rearranged more and more, condensing in layout. Our counter tops, tables, and other flat surfaces strewn constantly with his medications and other paraphenalia, as he needs them out to see them since his dexterity is failing as well, and whereas we used to have medical stations set up - his ability to sort through them gets more and more difficult with every passing day.
The days he does manage to get up on his prosthetic legs, everything needs to be out of the way, since his eyesight is so bad, and he can't feel what he steps on, nothing can be left on the floor or in the way. Not that that's a great way to live anyway, but sometimes one forgets to put their shoes away after a long day, or you forget about that bag you put down when you came in the house carrying everything because you're the only one who can.
Conversely, because he doesn't see so well, and because of his dexterity issues, he doesn't always realize what he's dropped. So the floors are often covered in residues, and various detritus that your feet, that CAN feel, find painfully or at the very least, uncomfortably.
Our bathtub is filled with various medical supplies, our entire master bath filled with his things. Our bed, most often half covered with his clothes, or prosthetic accessories, or just his tools that he uses to get through the day.
I rearrange the furniture quite often as his ability declines, squeezing things closer and closer together, out of his way, and into mine. I suppose I could rid of a lot of things, but in my heart and ever increasing delusional mind, in some way I hope he either gets himself better so that I can return things to normal. Sometimes, it goes the other way - I'll be honest. That he gets so bad he'll have to go into a facility of some kind, so that things can return to normal. And then the guilt sets in.
My social life is almost all but gone - though I know my social media accounts appear to indicate otherwise. People know I'm on call all the time, and to be honest, rather than leaving an evening I'm enjoying, it's just easier to stay home. And then if I do choose to go out, I grapple with the guilt of leaving him alone, or leaving my kids on watch, and eventually become consumed with believing that people are judging me for coming out at all and not being a more dedicated spouse. This may be the hardest for me as I'm quite a creature of connections. Which is probably why I'm so involved on social media. If I can't be with people in reality, at least I can connect virtually.
With each passing day, my label of caregiver, becomes a mockery of what it's supposed to be. As my resentment for our situation grows, my disdain for his behaviors increases, and my longing for a semblance of a "normal life", a return to healthy, adult relations builds...my caregiving becomes more of an empty title, rather than an apt description.
To be continued...
My husband is in very advanced stages of diabetic complications. I can't say final stage, because he continually beats the odds and defies expectations of medical professionals. I've prepared for the end, and begun putting our affairs in order, and resigned myself to being a single parent more times that anyone should have - I can't even remember how many times at this point. All exercises in futility returning back to our ever-adjusting "normal".
As his conditions advance, or really, the better word is worsen, his eyesight failing, his balance more off, his ability to drive his motorized wheelchair declining, the space in which I can keep my things, my livable environment gets smaller, and smaller. Our furniture gets rearranged more and more, condensing in layout. Our counter tops, tables, and other flat surfaces strewn constantly with his medications and other paraphenalia, as he needs them out to see them since his dexterity is failing as well, and whereas we used to have medical stations set up - his ability to sort through them gets more and more difficult with every passing day.
The days he does manage to get up on his prosthetic legs, everything needs to be out of the way, since his eyesight is so bad, and he can't feel what he steps on, nothing can be left on the floor or in the way. Not that that's a great way to live anyway, but sometimes one forgets to put their shoes away after a long day, or you forget about that bag you put down when you came in the house carrying everything because you're the only one who can.
Conversely, because he doesn't see so well, and because of his dexterity issues, he doesn't always realize what he's dropped. So the floors are often covered in residues, and various detritus that your feet, that CAN feel, find painfully or at the very least, uncomfortably.
Our bathtub is filled with various medical supplies, our entire master bath filled with his things. Our bed, most often half covered with his clothes, or prosthetic accessories, or just his tools that he uses to get through the day.
I rearrange the furniture quite often as his ability declines, squeezing things closer and closer together, out of his way, and into mine. I suppose I could rid of a lot of things, but in my heart and ever increasing delusional mind, in some way I hope he either gets himself better so that I can return things to normal. Sometimes, it goes the other way - I'll be honest. That he gets so bad he'll have to go into a facility of some kind, so that things can return to normal. And then the guilt sets in.
My social life is almost all but gone - though I know my social media accounts appear to indicate otherwise. People know I'm on call all the time, and to be honest, rather than leaving an evening I'm enjoying, it's just easier to stay home. And then if I do choose to go out, I grapple with the guilt of leaving him alone, or leaving my kids on watch, and eventually become consumed with believing that people are judging me for coming out at all and not being a more dedicated spouse. This may be the hardest for me as I'm quite a creature of connections. Which is probably why I'm so involved on social media. If I can't be with people in reality, at least I can connect virtually.
With each passing day, my label of caregiver, becomes a mockery of what it's supposed to be. As my resentment for our situation grows, my disdain for his behaviors increases, and my longing for a semblance of a "normal life", a return to healthy, adult relations builds...my caregiving becomes more of an empty title, rather than an apt description.
To be continued...
Tuesday, September 10, 2019
One Sweaty Conversation at a Time
This was originally posted on Facebook during the Summer of 2019
Florida is such a purple state that, often, conversations with strangers can be really awkward because you really just never know who you’re dealing with on certain subjects. I guess you can say that about anyone, anywhere really, but in other places I’ve lived and worked people have been a bit more homogeneous in political stance.
I tend to wind up in conversations with strangers over lots of things. I still don’t quite understand why strangers approach me with questions or start conversations beyond the polite societal niceties as often as they do, but I’m typically receptive to it. I guess it’s just a vibe I emit. It often drives my kids my kids crazy, sometimes to a point of teenage embarrassment, but I hope it teaches them, if anything, that we’re all human, and it’s important to remember that we can all connect in some level, among other things. But I digress.
The past few weeks have been, like most of the country, hotter than usual. And yes, I live in Florida..I know..it’s always hot. And yes, we tend to tolerate our heat a bit more. And yes, every summer some of typical polite niceties is “sure is a warm one today,” “stay cool out there,” “hoowhee, can’t wait till winter.” These are often mentioned in passing, or in that sometimes awkward moment of close vicinity for some reason (think waiting for a light to change, an elevator ride, a waiting room, etc).
But this summer it seems like people want to talk.
The standard anecdote comes out, but not followed by the usual polite smile and head turn or drop, indicating the exchange is over. It seems to be posed as a question, with a lingering stare, a look of exasperation, a hand swipe to the forehead of the back of the neck. It’s often followed with, before I even reply, “I’ve lived here my whole life, and have never seen a summer like this.” Which could end things. But they go on, “I swear every summer it’s getting worse and worse.”
Again, also a reasonable out - time to offer a nod, a quick acknowledgement, etc. But then comes the question, something along the lines of “I just don’t understand it, why does it keep happening...I don’t know how much more this I can take and my electric bill is through the roof...what am I supposed to do?” With eye contact. Long, sweaty, exasperated eye contact.
As I mentioned, Florida is very politically and ideologically purple. Other than Miami, and particular areas of central eastern Florida it’s a total crap shoot. So you have to consider the odds and make your decisions quickly on your reply...unless you’re one of those folks who exhibit a particular freedom of sorts, and either relish a spontaneous argument or just don’t care about ruffling feathers ever.
While I do enjoy a good argument from time to time (and I emphasize the word argument, not fight) they’re getting harder and harder to find as people seem to leap quicker into derogatory retorts and playground politics. And the heat doesn’t help.
So I’m left in this awkward position of wanting to seize the opportunity of awakening folks to the reality of what’s happening environmentally, or letting them know it’s okay to acknowledge that it is really happening, balanced with what...might...happen...next.
I don’t like ticking people off — contrary to what a number of my friends believe. I’ve been called a pot stirrer, a disrupter, and other not so nice words. But I don’t approach these circumstances with malice aforethought to instigate rage. When I post or say something that could be provocative I just want folks to take a moment sometimes and THINK. I know I’m not going to change their minds with a social media snark, but if it gives anyone a chance to consider another stance it opens the door of connection. It’s also why I don’t unfriend folks of different opinion, and belong to some groups you probably wouldn’t expect me to. Again...I digress.
The personal exchange between strangers IRL is an entirely other ball park. No insulation of distance nor anonymity. Less opportunity to just walk away and get a snack, click off, shut down. More opportunity for escalation. And what crosses my (you may call neurotic) mind with every exchange, the chance that that person is packing heat (and I'm not talking about the weather) and might be on the brink.
I’m pleasantly surprised by the reactions I’m getting to my responses, which as you can likely surmise based on this treatise, are more than the typical jargon of strangers, but still delicate in delivery, drizzled in colloquial speech to soften the tone. I don’t go on too long, it’s too hot for that, just providing some food for thought, leaving out scare tactics and apocalyptic overtone which seem rampant in public discourse. And people seem receptive. They nod. They follow up with, “we gotta do something about this” (which is much better than the “they gotta”...there’s some sense of ownership or duty).
All that being said...these conversations feed my eternal optimist side, filling it with possibilities and letting hope for a better and healthier future crawl out of the cage it’s been put in by its more jaded pessimistic partner. Maybe we can save the world, one awkward, sweaty conversation at a time.
Florida is such a purple state that, often, conversations with strangers can be really awkward because you really just never know who you’re dealing with on certain subjects. I guess you can say that about anyone, anywhere really, but in other places I’ve lived and worked people have been a bit more homogeneous in political stance.
I tend to wind up in conversations with strangers over lots of things. I still don’t quite understand why strangers approach me with questions or start conversations beyond the polite societal niceties as often as they do, but I’m typically receptive to it. I guess it’s just a vibe I emit. It often drives my kids my kids crazy, sometimes to a point of teenage embarrassment, but I hope it teaches them, if anything, that we’re all human, and it’s important to remember that we can all connect in some level, among other things. But I digress.
The past few weeks have been, like most of the country, hotter than usual. And yes, I live in Florida..I know..it’s always hot. And yes, we tend to tolerate our heat a bit more. And yes, every summer some of typical polite niceties is “sure is a warm one today,” “stay cool out there,” “hoowhee, can’t wait till winter.” These are often mentioned in passing, or in that sometimes awkward moment of close vicinity for some reason (think waiting for a light to change, an elevator ride, a waiting room, etc).
But this summer it seems like people want to talk.
The standard anecdote comes out, but not followed by the usual polite smile and head turn or drop, indicating the exchange is over. It seems to be posed as a question, with a lingering stare, a look of exasperation, a hand swipe to the forehead of the back of the neck. It’s often followed with, before I even reply, “I’ve lived here my whole life, and have never seen a summer like this.” Which could end things. But they go on, “I swear every summer it’s getting worse and worse.”
Again, also a reasonable out - time to offer a nod, a quick acknowledgement, etc. But then comes the question, something along the lines of “I just don’t understand it, why does it keep happening...I don’t know how much more this I can take and my electric bill is through the roof...what am I supposed to do?” With eye contact. Long, sweaty, exasperated eye contact.
As I mentioned, Florida is very politically and ideologically purple. Other than Miami, and particular areas of central eastern Florida it’s a total crap shoot. So you have to consider the odds and make your decisions quickly on your reply...unless you’re one of those folks who exhibit a particular freedom of sorts, and either relish a spontaneous argument or just don’t care about ruffling feathers ever.
While I do enjoy a good argument from time to time (and I emphasize the word argument, not fight) they’re getting harder and harder to find as people seem to leap quicker into derogatory retorts and playground politics. And the heat doesn’t help.
So I’m left in this awkward position of wanting to seize the opportunity of awakening folks to the reality of what’s happening environmentally, or letting them know it’s okay to acknowledge that it is really happening, balanced with what...might...happen...next.
I don’t like ticking people off — contrary to what a number of my friends believe. I’ve been called a pot stirrer, a disrupter, and other not so nice words. But I don’t approach these circumstances with malice aforethought to instigate rage. When I post or say something that could be provocative I just want folks to take a moment sometimes and THINK. I know I’m not going to change their minds with a social media snark, but if it gives anyone a chance to consider another stance it opens the door of connection. It’s also why I don’t unfriend folks of different opinion, and belong to some groups you probably wouldn’t expect me to. Again...I digress.
The personal exchange between strangers IRL is an entirely other ball park. No insulation of distance nor anonymity. Less opportunity to just walk away and get a snack, click off, shut down. More opportunity for escalation. And what crosses my (you may call neurotic) mind with every exchange, the chance that that person is packing heat (and I'm not talking about the weather) and might be on the brink.
I’m pleasantly surprised by the reactions I’m getting to my responses, which as you can likely surmise based on this treatise, are more than the typical jargon of strangers, but still delicate in delivery, drizzled in colloquial speech to soften the tone. I don’t go on too long, it’s too hot for that, just providing some food for thought, leaving out scare tactics and apocalyptic overtone which seem rampant in public discourse. And people seem receptive. They nod. They follow up with, “we gotta do something about this” (which is much better than the “they gotta”...there’s some sense of ownership or duty).
All that being said...these conversations feed my eternal optimist side, filling it with possibilities and letting hope for a better and healthier future crawl out of the cage it’s been put in by its more jaded pessimistic partner. Maybe we can save the world, one awkward, sweaty conversation at a time.
Thursday, April 25, 2019
Just Play Nice For Goodness Sakes
I've always been proud to be able to say that I have both acquaintances AND friends who sit squarely on both sides of the political aisle, and quite a few who saunter across lines, hover in the extremes, as well as those who are intentionally detached as well as simply inattentive. Most people label me clearly "liberal", a term that doesn't thrill me, nor do I think really fits anyone anymore (I'm sure quite a few folks would be surprised at some of my viewpoints, but if you really wanna know, you can ask). Same goes for "conservative". Never been a huge fan of labels to begin with, as I find them far too simplifying and compartmentalizing, and generally don't place them on others. Mostly because I know what people don't know about me, so I presume that conversely, there's plenty I don't know about everyone else.
Why anyone would choose to label themselves is beyond me, quite frankly. Why pigeonhole yourself? It's easy, I suppose. You don't have to explain yourself, I guess. Though you never really have to - I find those that do, are really just continuing to convince themselves - especially when they do it LOUDLY.
But my rant, or point, or perspective, or whatever you want to call it is this. Just don't be an asshat about it. Don't be an idiot. Don't yell and carry on - either live or ONLINE (in that very manner). Don't be so dang reactionary, and just be nice. You can have opposing opinions and be respectful. You don't have to be saccharine about it - just be polite.
It's important for us to have differing views. We need that give and take, that exchange of ideas - that's no great revelation. How boring things would be if we all thought exactly the same? It always seems like such a good idea - to be in an environment where everyone's on the same page all the time. And for a while, it can be refreshing, even therapeutic, to know you're in a safe space, where you're not going to get jumped all over for thinking one way or another, or being different. But then...it pales. There's no more challenge. No more spice.
I like spice. Not crazy spicy, but enough heat to keep it interesting. And we can do it without being general jackholes to each other. There's even a WikiHow out there on how to tolerate your friends with different political views. And I'm sure a good number of other how-tos and articles discussing similar.
But really, it's not hard, people. Use that old Golden Rule. Also, take a breath. a beat, a pause, before you react...or overreact. Don't use caps in your responses. Unless it's on words that are indisputably KIND. Listen to yourself a little first before you spit it out, whether pushing actual sound bytes into the air, or typing away on social media. Don't generalize. Don't assume you know the political affiliation of the speaker. And for God's sake don't resort to name calling. You're better than that.
We are better than that.
Civilization didn't progress by human beings being unkind to each other. Communities build, technology grows, thoughts and ideas flourish when we respect each other. So go...make that happen. The respect thing. Practice if you must. Just be kinder and calmer and cooler.
Peace out.
Why anyone would choose to label themselves is beyond me, quite frankly. Why pigeonhole yourself? It's easy, I suppose. You don't have to explain yourself, I guess. Though you never really have to - I find those that do, are really just continuing to convince themselves - especially when they do it LOUDLY.
But my rant, or point, or perspective, or whatever you want to call it is this. Just don't be an asshat about it. Don't be an idiot. Don't yell and carry on - either live or ONLINE (in that very manner). Don't be so dang reactionary, and just be nice. You can have opposing opinions and be respectful. You don't have to be saccharine about it - just be polite.
It's important for us to have differing views. We need that give and take, that exchange of ideas - that's no great revelation. How boring things would be if we all thought exactly the same? It always seems like such a good idea - to be in an environment where everyone's on the same page all the time. And for a while, it can be refreshing, even therapeutic, to know you're in a safe space, where you're not going to get jumped all over for thinking one way or another, or being different. But then...it pales. There's no more challenge. No more spice.
I like spice. Not crazy spicy, but enough heat to keep it interesting. And we can do it without being general jackholes to each other. There's even a WikiHow out there on how to tolerate your friends with different political views. And I'm sure a good number of other how-tos and articles discussing similar.
But really, it's not hard, people. Use that old Golden Rule. Also, take a breath. a beat, a pause, before you react...or overreact. Don't use caps in your responses. Unless it's on words that are indisputably KIND. Listen to yourself a little first before you spit it out, whether pushing actual sound bytes into the air, or typing away on social media. Don't generalize. Don't assume you know the political affiliation of the speaker. And for God's sake don't resort to name calling. You're better than that.
We are better than that.
Civilization didn't progress by human beings being unkind to each other. Communities build, technology grows, thoughts and ideas flourish when we respect each other. So go...make that happen. The respect thing. Practice if you must. Just be kinder and calmer and cooler.
Peace out.
Saturday, April 20, 2019
A Call To Mothers and Fathers
Do not be afraid to hold them, they will not break.
Do not hold them too tightly, for then they will not soar.
Do not hold them at arms length, they need your warmth.
Do not hold them down, they have to be able to fly.
Do not hold them too high, they must understand what surrounds them.
Do not hold them back, they must learn to fall.
Hold them accountable, they must learn responsibility.
Hold them warmly, they need a safe place to come back to.
Hold them in your heart and your soul, they will always carry a piece of you with them.
Hold them when they are young, they need to learn to trust.
Hold them when they are old, they need to accept themselves and those around them.
Hold them...
hold them...
and then...
Let them go.
Saturday, March 02, 2019
Where Did I Just Leave My Girl?
My daughter is at an event called playlistlive. I guess I should appropriately hashtag it - #playlistlive - there, that's better. I had some idea of what event she was going to, though I didn't really get in to the details - it included friends she has made, people she admires, music, and a chance to meet new people who have built industries out of themselves. A convention of sorts, a trade show, really, where the products are the people - who have expanded themselves into brands of all sorts, including music, comedy, and lifestyle. About 200 of them.
Thousands of young people have descended upon this event, held at the World Center Marriott in Orlando, FL. The last time I was at this facility was for a conference of over 5,000 people. I'm pretty sure this event has it beat.
They are everywhere. In every nook and cranny of the hotel. They range in age, for the most part, from about 12 to 20-something and come in all shapes and colors and sizes. Some have straggling parents, lumbering behind them, exhausted from day one, desperately seeking a place to sit. Some are here with parents who are just as into the experience as they are, and it's a toss up on who wants to be here more. Most are here unchaperoned, or at least, they're moving about the facility as such, searching equally for faces of internet fame and their virtual friends who many will meet in real life for the first time, or for some, one of the few times they get to physically interact.
Gaggles of them attract attention, deliberately, sometimes to fool others, or to become momentary celebrities. They move in swarms, sometimes running in directions because the mass is doing so, not sure to whom they are running to, or necessarily why.
I'm amazed at the wifi and internet infrastructure supporting this event. This isn't your typical trade show. This is the event that will put any i.t. to the test - more photos get uploaded per second than almost anywhere...ever, I'd bet. As I'm typing this there are currently almost 90,000 posts using just one of their hashtags on Instagram. And there are quite a few hashtags. And plenty of media sites. Livestreams, vlogging, it's all happening right here right now - and that's not including what's been actually planned for the event.
I've been kind of rolling my eyes at this whole experience as it approached, not really wrapping my head entirely about it conceptually. My first impression was that was simply a fan hang out, people paying good money just to meet and greet with their favorite online celebrities. And for a lot of the people here that's exactly what it is.
But the more I read about it and into it, I'm almost regretting not buying myself a ticket. This is the future of media and commerce in general. I don't need to hug and take selfies with the You Tubers (such an awkward term, in my opinion, but I'm old, and they don't seem to have any issue with it so off we go). But I would love to hear the inside scoop on how they've built their brands. I would love to pick the brains of the start-ups and support businesses that have been birthed by the phenomenon - many of which are present here. This is what's fueling the next generations. And for the most part, they seem to be sending positive messages with their power. Lots of love and unity and kindness and acceptance. Hard to knock that factor.
They cross all sorts of demographic borders. They have thrown away limitations, whether self-imposed, or physical ones - transcending time and space, literally, because of the internet. We've raised kids for the last few decades telling them they can be anything they want to be, while silently gritting our teeth and biting our cheeks out of skepticism. But this phenomenon, in a way, has proved us right. They CAN make a living as a gamer, as a singer, as a make up artist, a comedian, a improviser, a chef...even simply as an idealist, sharing their hopes and dreams and encouraging others to do the same. They can even do it just chewing on potato chips in a microphone (I'm not kidding. Google ASMR - or just click the link - people are making six figures PLUS). And I don't think one of them will tell you it was necessarily easy - it still takes investment of time and resources, and commitment to your craft and choices...but geez, hand me a jar of pickles and a mic and I just might be in.
I can't just shake my head and laugh anymore. I did it for a while last night with another parent as we sat in the midst of the lobby, teenage hordes moving swiftly in front of us, across the marble floor, Starbucks pink drinks in hand, clear backpacks filled with merch in preparation for signatures at their meet and greets, colorful event bracelets glinting in the atrium lighting. This is the business model of tomorrow. These are the influencers. Industry leaders, take heed. I think there's a lot that can be applied to other business models, and I think these kids have a lot to teach.
Thousands of young people have descended upon this event, held at the World Center Marriott in Orlando, FL. The last time I was at this facility was for a conference of over 5,000 people. I'm pretty sure this event has it beat.
They are everywhere. In every nook and cranny of the hotel. They range in age, for the most part, from about 12 to 20-something and come in all shapes and colors and sizes. Some have straggling parents, lumbering behind them, exhausted from day one, desperately seeking a place to sit. Some are here with parents who are just as into the experience as they are, and it's a toss up on who wants to be here more. Most are here unchaperoned, or at least, they're moving about the facility as such, searching equally for faces of internet fame and their virtual friends who many will meet in real life for the first time, or for some, one of the few times they get to physically interact.
Gaggles of them attract attention, deliberately, sometimes to fool others, or to become momentary celebrities. They move in swarms, sometimes running in directions because the mass is doing so, not sure to whom they are running to, or necessarily why.
I'm amazed at the wifi and internet infrastructure supporting this event. This isn't your typical trade show. This is the event that will put any i.t. to the test - more photos get uploaded per second than almost anywhere...ever, I'd bet. As I'm typing this there are currently almost 90,000 posts using just one of their hashtags on Instagram. And there are quite a few hashtags. And plenty of media sites. Livestreams, vlogging, it's all happening right here right now - and that's not including what's been actually planned for the event.
I've been kind of rolling my eyes at this whole experience as it approached, not really wrapping my head entirely about it conceptually. My first impression was that was simply a fan hang out, people paying good money just to meet and greet with their favorite online celebrities. And for a lot of the people here that's exactly what it is.
But the more I read about it and into it, I'm almost regretting not buying myself a ticket. This is the future of media and commerce in general. I don't need to hug and take selfies with the You Tubers (such an awkward term, in my opinion, but I'm old, and they don't seem to have any issue with it so off we go). But I would love to hear the inside scoop on how they've built their brands. I would love to pick the brains of the start-ups and support businesses that have been birthed by the phenomenon - many of which are present here. This is what's fueling the next generations. And for the most part, they seem to be sending positive messages with their power. Lots of love and unity and kindness and acceptance. Hard to knock that factor.
They cross all sorts of demographic borders. They have thrown away limitations, whether self-imposed, or physical ones - transcending time and space, literally, because of the internet. We've raised kids for the last few decades telling them they can be anything they want to be, while silently gritting our teeth and biting our cheeks out of skepticism. But this phenomenon, in a way, has proved us right. They CAN make a living as a gamer, as a singer, as a make up artist, a comedian, a improviser, a chef...even simply as an idealist, sharing their hopes and dreams and encouraging others to do the same. They can even do it just chewing on potato chips in a microphone (I'm not kidding. Google ASMR - or just click the link - people are making six figures PLUS). And I don't think one of them will tell you it was necessarily easy - it still takes investment of time and resources, and commitment to your craft and choices...but geez, hand me a jar of pickles and a mic and I just might be in.
I can't just shake my head and laugh anymore. I did it for a while last night with another parent as we sat in the midst of the lobby, teenage hordes moving swiftly in front of us, across the marble floor, Starbucks pink drinks in hand, clear backpacks filled with merch in preparation for signatures at their meet and greets, colorful event bracelets glinting in the atrium lighting. This is the business model of tomorrow. These are the influencers. Industry leaders, take heed. I think there's a lot that can be applied to other business models, and I think these kids have a lot to teach.
Thursday, January 31, 2019
A Bunch of...Things
If I say it, I know it. If I don't know it, I'll tell you I don't know it or I won't say anything at all. My ego isn't big enough to think I have all the answers. I'm pretty sure that's some of the wisdom I've picked up along the way.
In an ironic statement, God help us if these religious nutjobs get hold of our public education system.
If you have cats, don't offer your cat hair covered seating to me. I don't have cats. For a reason.
If someone's doing a good job, tell them.
People who get angry that they can't help their kids with their math homework are really more angry that either they don't remember how to do the math OR they're not willing to admit that maybe their kids are smarter than they are. They'll figure it out. You don't have to.
I wish I could better tolerate fingernail polish. I have nice nail beds, decent "canvases" for some serious nail art. But I can't take it for more than a day or two. And I'm just too hard on my hands.
What the fuck is up with facial tattoos? Not fake ones you get at a fair. Real deal ones. I can almost roll with the neck thing. But the face? Nope.
I just gave the dog a bath two nights ago. Now she stinks to high heaven. What...is...up...with...that?
I have operated hand staplers all my life and have just learned about the rotating plate thing for different thickness of piles. If that's not some kind of allegory for life, I don't know what is.
I will always fancy the ellipsis...and likely over use it...too bad.
For goodness sakes - just don't be boring.
Meet you at the featherball...
In an ironic statement, God help us if these religious nutjobs get hold of our public education system.
If you have cats, don't offer your cat hair covered seating to me. I don't have cats. For a reason.
If someone's doing a good job, tell them.
People who get angry that they can't help their kids with their math homework are really more angry that either they don't remember how to do the math OR they're not willing to admit that maybe their kids are smarter than they are. They'll figure it out. You don't have to.
I wish I could better tolerate fingernail polish. I have nice nail beds, decent "canvases" for some serious nail art. But I can't take it for more than a day or two. And I'm just too hard on my hands.
What the fuck is up with facial tattoos? Not fake ones you get at a fair. Real deal ones. I can almost roll with the neck thing. But the face? Nope.
I just gave the dog a bath two nights ago. Now she stinks to high heaven. What...is...up...with...that?
I have operated hand staplers all my life and have just learned about the rotating plate thing for different thickness of piles. If that's not some kind of allegory for life, I don't know what is.
I will always fancy the ellipsis...and likely over use it...too bad.
For goodness sakes - just don't be boring.
Meet you at the featherball...
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